love stories — lady lazarus
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
Films For Life || P.S. I Love You (2007)
"Dear Gerry, you said you wanted me to fall in love again, and maybe one day I will. But there are all kinds of love out there. This is my one and only life. And it’s a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive. I don’t have a plan… except, it’s time my mom laughed again. She has never seen the world. She has never seen Ireland. So, I’m taking her back where we started. Maybe now she’ll understand. I don’t know how you did it, but you brought me back from the dead. I’ll write to you again soon. P.S… Guess what?"
In a coffee shop at 3:00pm on a Wednesday afternoon,
After a storm that lasted nearly four days,
Crimson leaves scattered the streets.
It was the kind of day that can only be described as the calm after the storm,
And we sat there talking about the horror movie we watched in my bed on Saturday night,
When my parents weren’t home.
You held me tight in your arms and I wasn’t afraid; I was content, I was safe.
And you jumped and held me closer and couldn’t understand how I loved these movies.
Neither did I.
But in that coffee shop at 3:00pm on a Wednesday afternoon
You asked me if I had enough excitement in my life.
Yeah, I said,
Of course I did, but that was a boldface lie.
I spent 16 years of my life in a goddamn desk learning about how to live my life
But never actually living it.
So I said actually no, I have no adventure in my life,
With regret behind my words and truth behind the regret.
However I couldn’t just get up and leave to find adventure.
No matter how much I desired to, I couldn’t live in a rainforest
Or climb Mount Everest and find myself in caves or jungles
Or cities, beautiful, amazing cities to get lost in.
I had a responsibility to my family and friends to stay here
And be safe, to learn and study.
And you said: That’s why you love horror movies so much; they’re exciting.
Then I thought about writing,
I loved it more than anything in the entire world and never knew why.
But at that moment I realized it was because I could create an adventure for myself
Get lost in my words and escape in them.
Writing was my excitement.
And you told me that was beautiful.
Then I thought about you.
You are safe and calming,
You know exactly what to say
When panic covers my world,
Or when life feels like hell.
You make me feel happy and safe and content.
But oh god when I’m with you
It’s more exciting than anything else.
Being with you is an adventure.
It’s because when I am with you my heart beats like I’m running for my fucking life
And I feel a little breathless when you hold my hand.
It’s because at 7:00pm on a Saturday night
When we were eating pizza and playing videogames
My head was spinning because just sitting next to you was exciting.
It’s because at 10:30 on a Monday night,
When I drove in the pouring rain on the highway,
And tried to find a balance between holding your hand,
And glancing over at you as you talked about how beautiful the rain was,
And not swerving off the road,
It was an adventure.
Liking you is an adventure,
Loving you is an adventure,
It’s because I can put my heart in the palm of your hand,
Knowing you can painfully twist it in half if you so desire,
But finding trust in the way you look at me when I’m laughing at something you said.
And that, that feeling I get when you kiss me, is excitement.
You’re all the adventure I need in my life,
Weather it’s 2:00am on a weekend and you’re trying to leave my house quietly
Or 4:00pm on a school night and I’m smiling at your texts,
Or the way you call me just to say you love spending time with me,
You’re an adventure.
It turns out I can be pretty productive whilst watching Downton Abbey (aka my biggest guilty pleasure) (jk I’m not even guilty I just love it).
Days until history exam: 5 📆